Most often asked questions and answers
What you wanted to know and didn’t ask yet….
The following questions are answered, by scrolling down you will find the answers to each of them.
1. I am really busy already, is this easy to do?
2. This looks good, but it seems so simple; can it work?
3. Don’t “they” (children, teens, and adults) automatically know this stuff?
4. Do children and teens “get” this concept? Do they understand? What happens as they learn this concept?
5. When and where can I use this workbook?
6. What is the possible longevity of using The 5 Needs in Life curriculum?
7. Is there a “secret” to using the material successfully?
8. I work with “special needs children.” Will this material work with these children; do all children have these needs?
9. I am ready, so can you tell me, how do I use these workbooks?
10. Looks nice and interesting, but will it “work?”
1. I am really busy already, is it easy?
“Easy” meaning simple - yes. “Easy” meaning you don’t have to do much, yes and no. The workbooks are simple, easy to use, and the leader’s guide will give you more ideas. People of all ages need to see you care and are interested in what they are learning, especially because this work is personal. Sometimes “sensitive spots” open doors for more work to be done, for healing to occur, and some deeper issues to be faced. This is where the work can go from being easy to a bit more complex because the work can become hard emotionally for children or adults who have “issues” to resolve and deal with on a personal level. You may do this part of the work with them, or you may need a referral for the person, depending on the severity of the situation.
So, yes, it is “easy” but not always. This takes work, commitment, interest, time, and yet is full of potential to meet the children, teens, and adults on a different level.
2. This looks good, but it seems so simple; can it work?
Absolutely! A simple thing like knowing one has choices is not that simple for some children, teens, and even adults. For instance, children, teens, and even adults, who have been neglected or abused, lose their ability to believe they have choices. Many people believe they are just victims, and have no ability to choose in life. Others believe they are no good, are worthless, and are trash. It takes more than love and good intentions to help these people understand the truth and create lives they will enjoy.
The 5 Needs in Life curriculum works to the extent that you work it. Like everything in life that is worth having, learning to practice and incorporate the 5 needs information in your life takes time, energy, and yes, work. But it is productive work, and a good use of time and energy. Why? Because it can last a lifetime. The 5 needs we have in life will not change, but how we meet the needs will change over time.
Besides teaching applicable skills, you are planting seeds using The 5 Needs in Life curriculum and like other seeds we plant in life, the “fruit” may be seen right away or it may take some time to produce fruit. Using the workbooks, you are helping to build a foundation that can be built upon and can help stabilize a person at times when life seems unmanageable. We can step back and look at our lives and learn to ask, “What do I need?” and set out to find ways to meet our needs. If we don’t know what we need, how can we find it?
So, yes, it can work, it does work, and it will work.
3. Don’t “they” (children, teens, adults) automatically know this stuff?
No. Did you have it all put together before you came across this simple information? No, I didn’t either until I went to a workshop…it seems we “should” know it, but just like children had to be taught to play appropriately, and some needed extra help in learning to walk and talk, many children, teens, and adults will need extra help in developing the skills of recognizing needs, choices, and improving their ability to have their needs met in constructive, life giving ways. Time teaching this material will result in stronger relationships as communication about needs in life grows. People who gain an understanding of the 5 needs we all have in life, can see themselves as healthy and able, even if they have a label(s).
The 5 needs seem so apparent, especially after you begin to identify them in your own life and with the people you work with on a daily basis. The ways our attitudes and behaviors also seem clearly connected to the needs, met and unmet, almost as if “it should be common sense” and hopefully one day it may be more common sense. For now, we need to share what we know.
4. Do children and teens “get” this concept? Do they understand? What happens as they learn this concept?
This concept has been well received by the children, teens, and adults. The 5 Needs in Life curriculum has helped people of all ages begin to learn how their negative and positive behaviors are sometimes a way to get their needs met or a way to say what they need. With this understanding, some children are able to begin to try other behaviors and to understand they are not “bad.” Instead, they begin to see and accept their own humanness, realizing they just have needs, and must learn ways to get their needs met that are effective.
A change in their self-concept occurs when the children begin to believe they are not just “terrible” or “horrible.” Knowing what the needs are can enable children to be responsible for their own actions and attitudes, in ways that are not clear before one understands the needs. Introducing the children to the concept of the needs is only the beginning. This is true for teens and adults too. Our needs do not change, but how we meet our needs changes with time and maturity.
5. When and where can I use this workbook?
The 5 Needs in Life curriculum is flexible and can be used in a variety of situations, with “professionals” as well as non-professionals. Mothers, teachers, mentors, social workers, counselors, school guidance counselors, aunts, uncles, and dads can use the workbooks as well as Sunday school teachers, and other church groups. This workbook can be used as a supplement to other therapeutic activities; it can be used alone, with one child, or with a group. You can work the workbook privately for yourself and see how you are doing with the 5 needs. I highly recommend you do this. Doing this will help you teach it better and will help you grow personally too. You pick any one you want to work and apply it to your life.
There are many choices, the Tiny Tot’s one is for very young children, Kids Have Needs and We All Have Needs are for the elementary age child, but I do know some adults who worked through them to see what they could learn. It was fun and interesting. Teens can use People of all Ages Have Needs. Of course, there is Mom’s: Makers of Men and Women. Pick anyone and work it though and you will be better equipped to use the workbook anywhere you choose.
When used in a therapeutic setting, rich discussions about the needs in one’s life can occur in the safe environment of a session with an adult. Issues may arise, thoughts may be uncovered, and new concepts discovered that might help the child on his journey.
The workbook can be used in a classroom setting as well. When used in a classroom, the teacher can pull in ideas throughout the day that will reinforce the concept of “basic needs” in most of the subjects. Either way, this workbook can broaden communication between the social worker, or teacher, and the child.
It can also be used as a tool in the home to build communication in the family on several levels. When all members begin to accept and respect the needs of one another, family life is more pleasant for all involved. Relationships are the keys to change; therefore when you use the workbook in any setting where relationships are the main focus, changes can occur. Some people will use the workbook in after school groups, in church settings, and in reading groups as well. The possibilities are endless.
6. What is the possible longevity of using the 5 Needs in Life curriculum?
The lessons children learn now in life, both positive and negative, will often carry on into adulthood and may create problems in marriages, parenting, working, education, and almost all situations and relationships. Therefore, if we can teach young children from all situations that they do indeed have the right to make choices and the ability to make choices, we will plant seeds in their lives that can last a lifetime. Think back on your own life: What do you remember? What had a lasting impact on you? Relationships! So, if you use this work to build relationships, that will last long after you are gone from that person’s life. Plant the seeds through relationships and it will make an impact and last.
Choices are powerful. The power to understand the truth about making choices and the results of the choices that are made can make an impact in children. They are not too young to learn these concepts; in fact, children often crave to have this understanding given to them. Children are eager to learn. There is no need for adults to assume children know all about basic choices, most don’t. Even children who don’t have labels often miss basic lessons in life due to the busyness of life. This is true for teens and adults also.
As we learn what our needs are, how to identify them, and how to identify behaviors in our own lives that can clue us into knowing we are not meeting a particular need appropriately, we can change, we can make choices, and this can make a difference in our lives. So it is with those we teach. The possibility of lasting impact is huge! What you teach can last a lifetime if the person is willing to practice the work. This is why the curriculum is in a notebook and can be kept by the consumer, added to in time, and used over and over.
7. Is there a “secret” to using this material successfully?
Relationships are the key to successful work with people of any age; therefore, it is important to establish a relationship with the child or children who will be using the workbook.
In order for the children, teens, and adults to relax and enjoy the questions, time needs to be available to talk it over. Sometimes it is good to have the person do the work ahead of the scheduled session time, so the time together is spent productively looking at their answers, hearing thoughts and insights, and looking at changes or adjustments that may need to be changed. As with any therapeutic activity, individual needs must be assessed and met. Routines and consistency will help provide structure for the workbook to be completed.
Children, as well as teens (and some adults), need consistency to learn and grow. Another “secret” is having experienced their work on a personal level. Try it out for yourself. You can’t give away what you don’t have, so get your own copy and work through it too. Your “secret” of knowing this on a personal level will come through and make a huge difference. Repetition helps a great deal, so if you can have the family incorporate the needs on a daily basis through conversations and activities (some will be in the leader’s guide), this will help also and is yet another “secret” to success.
8. I work with “special needs children.” Will this material work with these children; do all children have these needs?
Absolutely! Sometimes the children and teens in special education are more open to learning this material; they see it as useful and practical. It is not so hard that they mess up or feel stressed. This can be an opportunity for them to succeed and win at something, to get a “good grade” because although usually they struggle to get a “good grade,” they will get good marks for this. This work makes them feel like they can do something right!
Some children may not appear to have these basic needs in their lives. Maybe they do and are not aware of them at this time. Your teaching and guiding can help these children become aware of their needs. Other children will not have these basic needs, as we generally know them. For example, children with autism experience life and the needs of life differently than most others. The ways that people with autistic characteristics experience life are not wrong, they are just different.
Children and teens with various labels can do this work and will often be enhanced on many levels because they do the work. An example is the child with an “emotional disturbed” label who did the work with me in a group setting and so enjoyed being “normal” for a change. A child with ADHD did the work and focused well as we talked about what mattered to him. A teen with autism understood the work so well, he would bring up examples of people’s needs while watching TV.
Yes, this work has been used in classes with special education teens and young children with great success. When the workbooks were first used in the
All children have needs, but not all children experience the needs in the same manner. To say, EVERY child can do this work as it is presented would be foolish. Most of us know some children who are so severely delayed this would not work, however, you can still tell them stories and look for ways to share what they can grasp or you can be sure your own needs are met so that you can meet that child’s need.
For children who experience needs differently, we need to learn to allow them to express their own unique needs, and go from there. An example is the child with autism, if they are on the higher end of the spectrum, yes, they can learn this. If the child has ADD or ADHD, the child can certainly learn this and use this work. It may even help them improve their focus because it can draw their attention and keep them interested. Yet, having worked with so many different types of children, it is imperative you meet the child where they are, as with any activity.
Allow children to be who they are and respect their differences. Allow yourself to learn what their needs are, and how they strive to have their needs met. Explore their world, and be amazed. On the other hand, yes, this can be adapted to most children.
9. I am ready, so can you tell me, how do I use these workbooks?
The leader’s guide will give you specifics on how to use the workbooks in various settings, but for now, know that PRESENTATION IS EVERYTHING!!!!! This will be addressed throughout each workbook with objectives and ideas for using them. If you are excited, the children will be excited. If you are bored and irritated with “one more thing” to do, the children will probably not enjoy the workbook, or the learning process. Your attitude counts. You matter!!! A KEY in all the workbooks: MAKE IT FUN and to BE RESPECTFUL of where the person is in their life, know what they have been through, and use those experiences to build their confidence.
These workbooks offer an opportunity to show the fun of learning and to experience the joy of learning in ways that are practical. The workbooks also allow children and teens to practice skills without realizing they are “working.” (See the “projects” in the older elementary and teen books.) Just like when we get a physical workout in, not realizing we are “working out” because we enjoy the sport or the class at the gym so much, we forget we are actually working out, so it is with this curriculum. The person can write, look up words, express their thoughts, and actually learn to think while doing this work. Some children and teens will want to answer the questions with their own hand drawn pictures, some with written words, and some with cut out pictures from magazines. For some people, the worker may want to fill in exactly what the child says the answers are, using their exact words, perhaps with quotes, to show the value of what they say. Some children are too tired and frustrated from classroom work to enjoy writing in their own answers, so variety and individuality are important for your work with the children to be successful.
You can be consistent while also being flexible. Children and teens are also terrific teachers, so be ready and open to learning as you teach. There are no rules…any way the child or teen is able to understand the basic needs is the right way for that person. This is meant to be fun and to be a positive learning experience for both the worker and the child. This book can be the beginning of many eye-opening experiences for you and the people you are privileged to share the curriculum with in your work (or home). Be creative, use puppets if the children enjoy puppets, let the children read, or read to the children. Make it personal so that it will be absorbed and implemented in the lives of each person using the curriculum. That is the point after all: for them to have a useful tool when you are gone.
10. Looks nice and interesting, but will it work?
Does that treadmill with clothes hanging on it work? How about those weights in the basement--are they working for you? No, not until you use it. Like most things in life, this will work if it is used.
These are basic, simple truths that can transform children’s view of themselves and the world they live everyday. The concept of choice is one of the best gifts you can give to a person of any age. Children will grow to be more responsible, creative, and happy knowing they do have choices and are somewhat in control of their lives right now. Many problems can be avoided if children are taught about choices early in life. No one is too young, or too old, to learn these concepts, or to refresh them in their lives. It is never too early, or too late, to begin fresh with healthy ways of being. We are all, always becoming. You will be giving the children in your life valuable tools that can last a lifetime.
